Right Where It Belongs
by 0Rust-Dust0
Summary: AU: The story of two people who have led very different lives so close to each other...and the walls that surround them. M for the loads of darker themes crammed in here.
1. Prologue

A little boy sat quietly on the edge of a white plastic chair, his pale emerald hair tied neatly in a pony tail trailing down the length of his back. He stared dispassionately at the various dolls and puzzles that had been placed in front of him on the large wooden table to gauge his responses and reactions to the items with emotionless grey eyes. The focus shifted to the one-way mirror with a blossoming of a hateful look that one would not normally find on any child that had lived a normal life. He stared intently as though hoping that his anger would burn through the glass and grant him freedom.

"I want to come out now." He said with no real emotion in his voice despite the vivid expression he adorned. Sitting in this room doing absolutely nothing had tired him more than anything else he had ever done before. He longed to leave the room; the entire building if possible. They told him that it was not possible. Not until they could tell society that he was fit to be merged into it. He stared at the mirror for a few more seconds until he realized that he was not going to be let out of the room yet and returned his gaze to the assortment of toys.

On the other side of the mirror, a young woman chewed nervously on the eraser of the long pencil in her hand as she stared at the little boy who had shut himself away in the deepest part of his mind where all the horrors he had witnessed could not touch him. For the past few days, she had tried to encourage him to show some signs of typical child behavior only to have it quashed under his uncharacteristically stoic behavior. She feared that he may never have a chance to leave this place if she could not get him to have some kind of breakthrough.

Intent on trying to see into the youth's soul; leaning so far onto the glass she risked falling through it, the young woman jumped at the soft sound of the door opening behind her. The fluttering of her heart calmed as she turned to see her good friend and colleague hesitantly enter with an equally hesitant expression on her face. A thick, vanilla-colored folder was being worried in her hands and the other woman shot it a distasteful glance before turning back to the person.

"They are pressing me too hard for any conclusive evidence to the boy's condition, Fennel." The woman said with a sigh as she slouched into an uncomfortable folding chair and peered at the child once again through the glass. Fennel took a few steps into the small observing room and closed the door behind her. "I know, Juniper." Fennel said quietly, moving through the last bit of space that separated them and rested a soothing hand on Juniper's shoulder. "Nobody blames you…or even him for that matter." Juniper sighed softly at the words as she watched the little boy tilt his head in an avian fashion while he studied a stuffed bear.

"Of course they wouldn't. Not to my face anyway." Juniper paused with another heavy sigh and looked away from the boy to stare into the crystal blue eyes of Fennel. Some mixture of resentment and defeat swirled in Juniper's eyes, but she quickly blinked it back and continued. "I know they all think I'm too soft for this job…to _involved_ with the children that go through these doors, but just walling myself off from them for the sake of my paycheck seems even more cruel than the things that bring them here in the first place." Fennel sat across from Juniper and said nothing, only giving her friend a gentle and reassuring smile. When Juniper's father, Cedric, had been the head administrator here at Unova Children's Mental Hospital, he had had the same thinking process.

"You have to come up with something though…PSTD could be just enough for them to make some kind of decision." At Fennel's words, a spark of the passion Juniper had for this job flared to life and she shot her friend a hard glare that made Fennel eat her words.

"That is 'Surface Diagnostics' if I ever heard it." Juniper snapped, but calmed when she realized that Fennel was only trying to help. "Besides, I doubt even _that_ would fly in light of his situation." She shuddered at the very thought of the things the boy had gone through and peeked back at him. Her heart went out to him more than she had ever let it go out to a child before and she cursed the chain of events that had lead him to this point.

"Even so, we just determine if they can function outside in normal society. Maybe that's the hardest part of this job, never really getting the chance to find out of our recommendations were the right ones or not." Juniper hated Fennel's logic, but couldn't deny it and stood with a heavy sigh beginning to escape from her lungs. The boy had spent more than enough time in the room and she figured that she would learn nothing more from him being in there another moment longer.

"I'll put it off for one more day, if I can. I want to be able to help him, but if I can't, then maybe no one can." Juniper let the ultimatum hang in the air before she stepped out of the room and turned a few corners to enter the room the boy was in. He still sat in the chair and turned with a methodical slowness when she entered.

"I do not like it here." The boy said as he stood and walked toward her. He didn't run to her and cry about that fact, nor did he yell and begin to throw a fit about it. She wished that he would let some kind of emotion show as she took his hand and led him out of the room to the small cafeteria where all the Temporary Ward Children ate.

"I know, sweetie." Juniper clenched his tiny hand and tried to think about something else. She blinked back into reality when a tiny brown blur rushed past them, squealing in unrestrained joy. The brown thing, a young girl possibly a few years younger than the boy, halted and turned to peek at them. He seemed to notice, but made no move to acknowledge the little brunette's existence. She stepped closer as though afraid and excited at the same time.

"Are you visiting someone, too?" The little girl asked when she finally stood in front of them. The boy blinked at the girl, curious at her behavior.

"I am not visiting anyone." He said calmly and the girl seemed to be crushed under the news. Juniper watched as the boy seemed conflicted on what to do about the girl's expression. It was a flicker of emotion that she had not seen in his three days here and she found herself holding her breath for what he would do.

"Sorry." The little girl breathed softly as she lowered her head and thought to move away. The boy could not understand the shimmering need to try and comfort her, and stood there for a little longer as he tried to decide just what to do about it.

"Are you visiting someone here?" He asked shyly, forgetting that Juniper still stood there beside him. He might not have liked the idea of her seeing him reaching out to someone else, but the girl seemed to blot out the adult's presence in his current thought stream.

"Yeah." Her voice was still soft, but her blue eyes twinkled with the ghost of the joy she had had earlier when he spoke to her. He shifted uneasily and felt a pinkish color spatter his cheeks. It was unfamiliar and he didn't understand it, but something about the confusion seemed right.

"You…could you visit me, too?" He said it in an even softer voice as though fearing rejection right before he had even finished his words, but the girl smiled at him and folded her fingers together.

"If I do, that makes us friends." She paused as though the idea of having another friend was the most amazing thing in the world, even if he was going to be staying here in a place that her mother said was usually a bad thing. "I am Touko." She leaned in closer to hear his name and waited. When he said nothing, she asked him directly and the boy hesitated for a moment.

"I am N." Touko grinned even wider but before she could really say anything, she heard her mother yelling for her as she stomped toward the two children and the currently forgotten Juniper. Touko looked at her mother as she came closer and then back to N one last time before she stepped away from him a few steps.

"Bye N." Touko said shyly before she rushed back to her mother, apologizing the whole time she approached. N narrowed his eyes at the two as the mother scolded Touko for just running off like that and remembered that Juniper still had a hold of his hand. He looked up at her startled face and blinked, once more emotionless.

"Juniper, what did Touko mean when she said that we were friends?" N asked, easily slipping back into his emotionless mask almost as soon as he was sure that they were alone again. Juniper stared at the boy and thought on it for a moment.

"Friends are people who look out for each other. They are there for you in the best of times and even more so in the worst of times. Friends don't see all the things you can't do and are glad for the things you can do. Having a friend is a very good thing." Juniper smiled as she said this, but the frown that formed on N's face killed it almost as soon as it formed.

"I do not think that I need one of those, Juniper." N sounded serious about it before he turned to glance down the hallway where Touko had just left

**. . .**

"Have you reached a decision regarding the patient, N Harmonia?" Juniper stood rigid in the light being cast on her as she presented her findings on the young boy. She had not found out enough about the boy to reach a decision regarding anything having to do with him, but she was certain enough to be able to reply.

"I have." She felt the words settle in the pit of her stomach. She suddenly felt like she was on trial, waiting to hear the verdict that would let her live or kill her. She shouldn't feel like this, though. It was N that was truly on trial here, but he could not stand in for himself and maybe she was just feeling all of the feelings that he refused to show.

"You have determined that the boy is not fit for interactions in daily life and have recommended that he remain here until such a day when he can be released?" The voice seemed to thunder in her ears, but she tried not to think on it. This was for N…for him to be able to face the demons that she was certain he was only keeping at bay because he had shut everything else out.

"I have." The proceedings continued for another half hour before she could finally leave. Her heart felt heavy, like it had been dipped in lead and tied to her feet. She heaved a sigh and walked out into the light of the sun that seemed too harsh and real to be the thing that she was sure all of the children dreamed of being able to run and play under.

'_I'm sorry, N…I'm so sorry.'_

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>/_ The first chapter in my more disturbing plot line. I made exactly what was wrong with N very vague for now, but let it be 100% clear that no 'bad touches' were involved or ever will be involved...that's just plain sick. Other than that, hope you enjoy._


	2. Replacement

N scowled silently up at Juniper and Fennel as they stood at the edge of his door, hesitating to enter the room. He could tell by their faces that he would not be allowed to leave. He would have to stay here and that thought angered him above anything else. He backed away from them when they stepped closer to him, not wanting to be near them. Juniper could tell that N was upset and kneeled before him, a soft smile flashing across her face as though that would comfort him and make him forgive her for signing away his life into this white-walled horror.

"You won't let me leave." N hissed, still scowling and not letting her expression soothe him.

"It will not be bad, N. We decided this so you can be better." Juniper felt her calm demeanor crack under his complete awareness of the situation, but tried to force it back. N tilted his head and looked past Juniper to Fennel, who smiled and waved nervously, her other arm clutching a pile of folders tightly to her chest. He narrowed his eyes and turned away.

"I do not want to be here." N moved even further from Juniper and Fennel's heart went out to her friend. He was resisting her more than any other child had, and she couldn't help but wonder if it had to do with the circumstances that had brought him here. She shook the thoughts away and stepped into the room herself, standing behind Juniper in a display of support.

"If you do not want to be here, then work on getting out. Make it your goal and dream to be better." Fennel added in a soft voice. N did not look convinced and folded his arms across his chest, giving an annoyed sigh.

"I do not want to be here." N repeated. He didn't want to wait to be told it was okay to leave. He just wanted to do it and put as much distance between himself and this place as he could.

"We know, dear…and we'll help you if you let us." Juniper's hand twitched on its perch on her knee as she fought the urge to extend her arm to reach out to him. A flash of unease scattered across N's face and he shook his head once.

"You mean to be my friends?" N asked both of them, not taking his eyes off of Juniper as she seemed to be the larger threat in the situation. Juniper blinked at the connection he had made and behind her Fennel smiled.

"Yes. We would love to be your friends." Fennel could not help but sound joyous at N's question and squeezed the folder, needing to hug something. Juniper wished that Fennel had not sounded so happy about N's question, because his expression only darkened.

"You are not my friends…and neither is Touko. I don't need friends." N shot back. Juniper stood and turned her back to him as she let the confusion and shock fight for possession of her face. Fennel tilted her head, questioning Juniper's expressions with her movements, not wanting to give voice to the questions she had in light of the new news. Juniper wanted to tell her friend, but for the moment, she raised a finger and shook it to the side a few times as she regained her composure.

'_Wait.'_

"She visited me today like she said she would…She did not have to." N's voice was soft and faded as Juniper turned back to look at the emerald-haired child.

"She did? Did you tell her that you didn't want to be friends?" N shook his head no and moved toward Juniper, as though considering giving in and following the two women to his new and permanent room.

"No. Today did not seem right." N said and moved past Juniper to stand beside Fennel. He yawned and blinked up at Fennel's dark hair. "I can't leave today, but I will leave soon."

**. . .**

N walked between Juniper and Fennel in silence, counting the number of rooms he went past and doors he went through. It was not for some kind of escape attempt, he just couldn't believe the level of security placed on children. His eyes narrowed and he tried to think of when society decided that someone his age could be considered such a threat that they had to lock them away under all these layers of security.

They finally stopped in front of a door that was an even lighter shade of green than N's hair and he scowled again. A silver 24 glittered near the top of the door, far too high for him to reach. Juniper stepped forward and opened the door to lead them in. When the lights came on, casting an almost sickly yellow glow on everything, N was very certain that he should have fought harder to get out of this place. The bed was stiff and didn't look all too comfortable but apart from the mid-level dresser, it was the only piece of furniture in the room. The floors were covered in a tightly-knit carped of varying shades of green that only served to remind him of a pathetic mockery of the real grass he wanted. He paid no attention to the emotionless gray walls and peered into the bathroom, the light currently off.

It seemed from the outline of the toilet and sink that everything had been shrunk down just enough that he wouldn't have to struggle too much to use the bathroom. The glare from the mirror struck him as odd…odder than usual and he resisted the urge to explore it further as he stared up at Juniper and Fennel.

"This room is…different." N said quietly, not really sure what to say about the room, but tired of seeing that sad expression on Juniper's face whenever he said something negative. At least she didn't pick up on his sudden aversion to saying mean things. That warm and happy smile she thought to give him every time she caught him being anything other than emotionless was probably much worse than her pouts.

"Yes, yes it is." Juniper tried to hide the nervous unease under a smile and her soft voice. She then proceeded to explain the things that he would be doing and what was expected of him while he remained here. N listened to his schedule with just enough interest on his face to keep them from explaining it again and finally gave a short nod when they asked him if they understood. He then watched as Juniper and Fennel, stood before him, uneasy again. He didn't need them anymore and he was certain that he was no longer their problem…so why did they insist on remaining here?

The silence as the trio stood there watching each other was long and thick with tension. Juniper thought she would break under the pressure of having to leave N here with that emotionless expression on his face. Fennel seemed to break it with a gentle hand on her shoulder and Juniper cleared her throat momentarily before looking from Fennel to N.

"I think that's it. Take care, N." Juniper and Fennel stepped into the hall, leaving the door open as was part of the rules. Some bit of ease settled in N's tiny form at having the chance to be alone and he moved to the bed to rest on its edge. The bed had to be plastic stuffed with more plastic and covered with a thin sheet, but was not as unpleasant as he thought it would be. This room though, this room was not so pleasant…

**. . .**

The door remained open through the night, letting in the bright white glare of the hall lights. N buried his head under the thin white blankets and scowled. He had been told to sleep, but everything in the area screamed at him to remain awake. Too thin and bright, N could have easily gone insane right there. But that would have proved that he needed to be here. This felt like nothing more than torture and N finally slid out of bed with the softest of sighs. He could not sleep, simple as that. He moved to the bathroom and quietly opened the door. It would not land him in trouble for using it, but he had been avoiding it since he had come here. Something about that mirror still made him uneasy, but he pushed it aside as he reached for the light and walked to the toilet, effectively keeping his gaze from crossing over the mirror.

N flushed and froze. Nobody would be alert enough to peer into his room to make sure that he had washed his hands and if he didn't he could continue to avoid that mirror. He stared at his hands and felt filth on tem, even if there was nothing visible to indicate just how messy they were. He had to clean his hands…which meant stepping in front of that mirror.

Juniper had said that he would be safe here and nothing cold go wrong. He narrowed his eyes that he had to call on the ghosts of her words to soothe him into washing his hands. The very idea sounded stupid and he stepped forward, turning on the water, which never got very warm. He focused on his hands, scrubbing the soap into a bubbly froth and rinsing with a measured rhythm. He then reached for a paper towel, keeping his head down the whole time as he dried off his hands.

N looked up and caught sight of his reflection. He froze as he stared at the mirror…waiting for something to happen. When nothing did, N sighed and wondered what had made him so uneasy. A blink passed before he took note of a thin crack running erratically up the side of the mirror. He moved closer to the splintering in the reflective glass and scowled. Why did that little crack bother him so? He poked it with his index finger, studying it. Something red bubbled up from between the crack and N stepped back, confused at first. Then terror gripped him as another blink spattered the entire bathroom with dark red. Thick coagulated clumps ran unevenly down from the biggest of the splashes of red. He looked back at the mirror, his breath rushing in and out of his little body in short gulps of air. His heart beat frantically in his chest, like some kind of tiny bird trying to escape the cage made from his ribs, but it was welcomed as the heavy rhythm blotted out the distant screams of his name. He could see two figures in the mirror, unmoving and yet so alive that he felt he could reach through the glass and touch them. A hand rested on his shoulder and he heard a deep laugh behind him. The pressure on his tiny shoulder kept him immobilized and he squinted his eyes closed.

"You know why I did it…They needed to be replaced. N…your very name shows just how easily it would be to remove you from the equation and replace you…Do you need to be replaced?" The pressure on N's shoulder intensified, but no sound came from his throat. He trembled and stared at the mirror. The two figures twitched to life and stared at N. One raised an arm and rested the nub of a wrist on the glass. There should have been a hand, but it was gone. The other stared at N with gaping holes that had once housed eyes. Her mouth twitched as though trying to smile, but it had been securely sewed shut. N tried to look away from the sight of the women who had raised him and tried to spirit him away from that place. Cancordia and Anthea hadn't succeeded…and they had paid for it.

N screamed as the mirror shattered and a waterfall of blood poured from the hole in the wall. He struggled to get free of the room and the red liquid, but it was no use. It had trapped him, was consuming him. N screamed again and sank into the shadows.

**. . .**

Juniper sighed as she took notice of the clock. It mocked her with the small time of 2:41, a sign that she had let the paperwork pile up and was suffering for it. She was respected enough that the threat of losing her job never came up to threaten her to do something about it, but the sharp barbs that her bosses often tossed at her made it even worse that threats. A resolve to not let this happen again formed in her brain, but died out when she realized that she probably wouldn't hold up to it.

Someone hastily knocked on her office door and before she could properly grant them access to her room, the door opened and a frazzled Fennel stepped in, worry smeared across her face like an uneasy stain. Juniper blinked and had gotten as far as to open her mouth to ask what was wrong, but Fennel didn't give her the chance.

"It's…it's N."

* * *

><p><strong>AN <strong>/ _Yay! Another chapter! I've been trying to find the time to kick this into gear, but for some reason, the beginning wants to be as uninteresting as humanly possible. It wasn't writers block, it was just...bleh. Everything about N's permanent room is taken straight from my memory of when I actually was institutionalized, so, in theory, it should be pretty accurate._

_The end...the blood! N's mental suppression broke after he saw the crack in the mirror and thus that scene is born. Shouldn't be too hard to assume who's abusing N's shoulder, but if you can't then go off and study the actual Black/White game story line XD_

_As to the reference involving N's name and replacement, in math N is the common symbol for a variable (an "unknown" number like that ever famous 'x' from high school math ) quantity, especially one which represents an integer (think of a Number Line)._

_Sorry for making you think and involving the "M-word" in my story, but I hope you enjoyed it just the same!_


	3. Worry And Fear

Touko's palms felt too hot and sweaty as she marched through the white halls. She constantly scanned her surroundings and she found herself wiping her hands against her jeans far too much. Her mom trailed silently behind, all attention focused on her young daughter, who might dash off in a burst of speed to that questionable boy when the original reason for the visits seemed to be lost until it was almost too late to do anything about it. Touko would be doing no such thing today though as some prickly feeling suddenly danced across her skin. Something seemed…not right and she felt like the only one who was aware of the tipped scales. Everyone seemed to be going about their usual routines with no signs of distress. Touko found that even more unsettling than if the place was on fire and people were running screaming for their lives. She halted and found herself clinging to her mothers leg, openly scared of the atmosphere.

"Mommy, why is everyone hiding how they feel?" Touko's eyes peeked up at her mother, who was stunned by the behavior and then the question. Her mother cast a quick glance at the people behind desks and briskly walking by with files and other important items in hand before looking back to her daughter.

"What do you mean? Sweetie, everything is the same as it was the last time we came here." Touko did not agree with that answer and shook her head, resting a cool cheek against the smooth fabric of her mothers full-length skirt.

"It's not. Something bad happened here, but nobody cares…" Her thoughts trailed off, not wanting to voice concern for N. She found some comfort in the knowledge that it couldn't be Touya because her mother would have left her behind, but it still saddened her that someone else might be feeling something that could easily happen to her family. Touko jumped when her mother placed a soothing hand atop her fluffy brown hair, but relaxed as it was gently rubbed.

"Sometimes, people have to put the strong feelings in the back of their mind. They have to put on a brave face to make sure that those around them do not break down with them. I'm sure that everyone is feeling something if anything did happen, but here, especially surrounded by all the children, they have to keep their feelings secret." Touko huffed in defiance at her mother's words. They made sense, but only enough to keep her from pressing the question further. She mumbled her understanding and marched in step with her mother.

**. . .**

"Touko! Mama, you brought Touko this time!" Touya practically tumbled out from his perch on the bed and rushed to his twin sister and embraced her in a tight hug. Touko giggled and returned the hug with a soft smile. Their mother looked on with a warm love for her children and watched as Touya released Touko and dragged her to the bed motioned for her to sit beside him. He pointed at the window, but the object was past it and hanging in the sky as a thick white fluffy mass. Excitement bloomed on his face as he stared at his sister and began to tell her all about the things he had learned about clouds. Touko could hear the slight slurring in his speech and tried not to pick out the just barely noticeable way it seemed to take him longer to do things she barely even thought of doing. Her mother's words seemed to make more sense to her as she ruffled her brother's short and equally brown hair.

"Touko…" Touya hesitated and hung his head down a little as his eyes darted from his hands to his knees, unable to focus as he thought of what he wanted to say next. Touko leaned in closer, resting her forehead gently against his as he looked up at her. "Touko, I miss being home." Touko allowed the brightest of smiles to form on her face as she caught his eyes in her own.

"Yeah. It's different without you." She didn't want to remark on the drastic shift in noise or the drop in trouble she seemed to get into, but found that his impulsiveness was one of the things that made her brother special. She looked back to the sky and wondered if anyone was waiting for N to be able to leave here. She hoped so; it seemed that the only thing worse than being here was the knowledge that once you got out there would be no one to welcome you back into the world.

'_I would…I would if I only knew how…_'

**. . .**

Juniper felt drained and tried to rest a hand on N's tiny knee. He visibly flinched and glared at her with his glassy eyes. After last night, he had had to be sedated for fear of any harm that might befall him in his…in his what? He had remembered something and seemed to have retreated even further back then before. She had been trying for the rest of the night and into the day to get him to release the feelings he had buried, but she was tired and growing grouchy with the whole ordeal. Which was unfair to everyone, but lack of sleep made even the strongest person lose miles to their temper road.

"N, what happened last night?" N scowled and blinked with a slowness that once again reminded her just how out of it he actually was.

"Don't you already know what I've seen?" His voice was calculating in its accuracy to emotionally attack the doctor. "Doesn't everyone know just what I've seen?"

"Do _you_ know what you've seen?" Juniper shot the question back, not meaning to be overly harsh, but some part of him had to understand that the sooner he came to terms with the horrors Ghetsis had put him through, the sooner he could recover. N recoiled and looked down at his feet, studying them with no real interest, but unable to look at anything or anyone else.

"I'm…I'm not strong enough to look through the cracks…I'm afraid." The shift in his voice seemed to be tangible in its sorrow. N blinked up at Juniper, eyes not quite filling with unshed tears, but watery enough to convey his fears.

"Being afraid means you can overcome what causes it." N did not believe her and he shook his head, regretting it as his head began to throb in its drugged heaviness at the movement.

"If I can't separate the things I am and the things I see, than I don't have to be afraid of being replaced…They failed because I did." N folded his hands together and began to do various motions with his interlocking fingers. The process eased his mind, but not enough to blot out the screams and the faded patterns on the walls that looked like blood stains. Whatever they had given him kept him half in and half out of the visions of death and he silently cursed everyone here while begging for some kind of release. Juniper wanted to say something, to press him further about what he had just said, but there were raised voices from the other side of the closed door and she rose to see what was up. N watched the door open a crack and peered past Juniper as she looked out the crack.

"Something happened to N, didn't it?" The girl who visited him was aware that something had happened to him. She seemed to be fighting for access to see him. How very strange.

"Touko! Enough!" He heard her mother and a few more protests were forced from the girl until she saw no other option outside of crying and did so. Her peals of failure were clear and high-pitched in a manor that made N want to be miles from here just to escape that sound. Juniper seemed to remain where she stood and turned back to the child in greater distress to her mind. He just caught sight of Touko's mother picking her up in her arms, stifling the crying by resting the girl's face in the crook of her shoulder. The woman apologized just as the door clicked closed and N was once again trapped here with Juniper.

"She is loud." N commented when Juniper sat back in her seat. Juniper gave an uneasy smile and pushed back a lock of wheat colored bangs, a sign that he took as nervousness.

"She'll be fine. Now about y-"

"Why was she acting like that?" N did not care about his problems at the moment. She seemed to be far more important and though his brain was fuzzy, he would rather try to understand her behavior.

"She was worried about you, probably." Juniper replied, hoping that Touko was nothing more than crabby at having missed a snack or a nap.

"Worried…like afraid?"

"I suppose…"

"She shouldn't feel like that. She might end up like _them_."

"Them?" Juniper felt like a step to the breakthrough was close at hand. She thought briefly on just how much importance N had placed on Touko to make him react differently to her emotions.

"They worried…they were afraid of what might happen to me and tried to rescue me." N shook his head and clenched his hands into tight fists, the knuckles only just beginning to turn white. "They were replaced. If _she _tries to rescue me, she might get replaced too." Juniper knew that Touko was completely safe. Ghetsis had not made it out of the house alive and yet she worried about the hold he still seemed to have on little N.

"Juniper, I'm tired of being awake. Can I go to sleep?"

"Uhhhh, sure." He had to be far more tired than even she felt and decided that to press him further would probably just ruin both their brains from sheer lack of sleep. She stepped out of N's room and left simple instructions to the attending nurse before making her way to the faculty lounge.

**. . .**

"Juniper! Juniper is N going to be okay?" Juniper had been walking on auto-pilot and didn't notice when Touko had run up to her, having once again escaped from her mother's watchful eye. The girl's sapphire eyes blinked up at her with all the hope in the world.

"N did not sleep well. He had a nightmare and we gave him extra time to sleep." Touko's happiness dwindled under the news, but was glad that Juniper had given her the news that nothing too bad had happened to N.

"Does…does N have anyone waiting for him to be able to leave here?" Juniper didn't feel like she had the strength to be surprised, but her mind was aware of the words and did manage a few extra blinks.

"Why are you worried about it?" Touko frowned. Parents always seemed to answer questions with more questions when the didn't want to give a straight answer. She was certain that being 5 years old entitled her to straight answers, but apparently, it didn't.

"Touya told me that he missed being home. I want him to come home too because I miss him. Everyone here should have someone who feels like I do for Touya…but I think…I think N needs that more than anyone else here." Touko could hear her mother's angry shouts again and she managed to squeeze in an apology to Juniper for bothering her before she had to run back to be scolded.

"Why do I feel like your right, Touko?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN<strong>/ _Look! I live! XD Thanksgiving has been cleared off the list of unbearable days, so that leaves Christmas and New Years Eve o.O And...so I grace you with Disturbed N? Not very high on the sense list, but I know people have been waiting patiently, so here ya go!_

_I didn't have too much of an issue with this chapter, but everyone seems smarter than they should or something like that. Also, unlike my other PokeFic, Touya is actually in this one as her twin brother. He's the reason that Touko constantly pops up at Unova Children's mental Hospital. I got blocked on who I should toss in there to give Touko a reason to show up...everything from "Parental Abuse Bianca" (( because her dad seemed to mean serious business in the game O.O )) to "Short-Term Memory Loss Cheren" (( purely for the lolz...I'm bad )) In the end I decided to toss Touya in there are her brother and give him a sane back story as being in a car accident that did some serious damage to his brain. He remains there to recover and stuff. So much nicer...I think._

_N's talk of cracks and mirrors and fear are direct links to the song this insanity is based off of. Youtube the song ((Right Where It Belongs by Nine Inch Nails)) with lyrics and see if you can find em on your own. Cause it'll make me happy!_

_I feel like Juniper right now, so before I make the Author's Note as long as this chapter, I'm going to get off here and rest. Hope everyone had epic Turkey Celebrations and enjoys this chapter as much as the ones before this_


	4. Comforting Unease

N picked at his food, scooting it around as though the motion would make the food go away without his actually having to stomach it. It also helped keep him distracted from the other children around him who were either too loud or too sedated to make him feel at ease. He didn't actually have to be here in this room filled with hyperactivity and daily routines that barely went noticed by everyone else…but he did. He was here for one reason and he managed to pop one overcooked mini corndog into his mouth and chew before scanning the masses of other children.

'_His hair is too light…not him either…why does everyone have brown eyes?_' N counted out all the things that eliminated the other boys here as he scanned them until he caught sight of the one he had been looking for. He tried to nibble on just one more corndog, but just couldn't manage and decided that he could use it as a means to get the other boy to talk. He has seen more than a few of them devour their food like they never planned on getting another meal and figured that he'd probably be about the same. He grabbed his food tray and moved toward the boy, who seemed to be aware of N's approach and blinked with slightly slowed sapphire eyes. Eyes that weren't as bright, but enough to further N's thoughts.

"You are Touko's brother, right?" The boy's face crinkled as he tried to catch a thought that was just within grasp but fluttering to erratically to be firmly gripped. Finally, the boy smiled a little and nodded.

"I have a sister named Touko. She visits me all the time." N made no comment, but could see why he was here and tried not to pay attention to how much effort the boy seemed to take to do anything.

"You should tell me about her…Touko." He waited patiently, allowing his mind to relax and sort out various ideas into order while the other boy worked on forming just a single sentence.

"Touko is my sister. She looks like me. Mommy says we are the same except I am a boy and she is a girl...and our names. I am Touya. She is Touko. What is your name?" N placed his hands in his lap and wiggled his fingers under the table in sheer annoyance. This was taking too long and was far more tedious than he thought it should have been.

"I am N." Touya took a sip from the tiny milk carton and seemed to be thinking while he did so.

"N…N is a letter, not a name." N scooted the tray in front of Touya's and shook his head once. He stood and stretched the tension out of his tiny body before focusing attention on him again.

"You can have them…I have no appetite." N stepped away as he listened to Touya attempt to repeat the word, finding it harder than it was worth, but did realize that the food was his now and started to munch on it with no more thought.

He had learned nothing more about Touko and that made him mad, but he refused to let it show as Juniper appeared to see how he had enjoyed eating with the other children. It was just another routine that annoyed him; even more so because it was as though Juniper had taken it upon herself to crack the safe that contained his mind when he knew that anyone else would have been easier to fool into letting him get out of here sooner.

"So, how did you like having your lunch with the other children?" N took her hand as was expected and allowed her to lead him to the next room of the series of rooms in the schedule of his day. N took one last look at Touya before shaking his head once and continuing beside the woman.

"It was not helpful, Juniper."

"And why was that?" N scowled up at her as they walked but said nothing more on the matter as he counted the steps it took to be herded to the next room. Juniper could have…should have tried to prod harder for some kind of answer to his antisocial behavior, but their interactions seemed to have become some kind of waiting game in which N never gave her an answer if she was direct about it. She had to wait for the snippets of information he decided to pass on or let slip without realizing it.

"Touko did not come today, right?" Juniper caught the confliction in his voice and cast a glance at her watch as though the time would hold some kind of importance to that answer. He seemed too concerned about whether or not she appeared and sometimes she wondered if it would remain a good idea to let the girl come to visit him.

"I don't know, N." Little grumbles of general annoyance at her lack of knowledge passed his lips to accompany the scowl that was forming on his face and Juniper wondered what made Touko so special to N.

**. . .**

"Mama, I was good today, right?" Touko's mother heaved the softest of sighs at her daughter's voice. She knew that Touko was gauging for a reaction to make sure that the next question would be easier to ask if she thought she had been good enough to get that "special treat". Touko _had_ been good, and maybe it was because Touya was still here recovering, but she did not like the idea of her constantly interacting with that N child. As a mother, she didn't need to know any kind of detail about what happened, only that something had and his behavior set off red flags. In truth, she had expected the boy to be overly mean or distant to Touko on that first visit, thus killing any future encounters, but N had taken to her about as well as she had to him.

"I suppose you have." A glimmer of unease rushed through Touko's face. That kind of answer meant that while Touko had been good, her mother was less than thrilled with the idea of visiting N. There was an extended pause in which Touko's mother watched her little girl fidget far too much against her mother's frame, uneasy and excited for a solid answer.

"So…can I go see N?" Touko's big blue eyes blinked up at her mother, an ocular beg that brought out a soft sigh from her mother as she finally relented.

"Okay." Touko beamed and jumped up a few times, resisting the urge to rush off just to be sure nothing would be changed. "But please don't take forever for a visit again." Her daughter nodded and before she could say anything more, Touko was racing down the halls in a brown haired blur.

**. . .**

"_She's a pretty girl, isn't she?_" N flinched at the smooth and deceptively cool voice and tried to pretend he hadn't heard anything.

"_Do you think she'll save you?_" The ghost of a hand settled on his shoulder; an invisible weight that he wanted to escape from. But he was bound to the voice and he knew escape was useless.

"_Perhaps I should break her like the others._" N's eyes widened, the familiar jolt of fear rushing through his spine.

"_Perhaps you could help me this time._"

"No!" N yelled, finally turning around only to see the usual bed and ghastly colors of the walls and floor. He felt his heart racing, beating like a frantic bird in his ribcage as he attempted to calm himself. This place was horrible, but it was safe. Juniper had said so and even though he disregarded most of the things she said, he held onto that one belief. And _he_ wasn't here…or there. _He_ was dead and in the ground and cold and probably being eaten by worms and other things that burrowed in the dirt.

"N?" N turned rapidly and stared at a shy Touko standing just outside the room with her hands behind her back and her head turned slightly down. He just stared at her, not daring to let any emotion appear on his face.

"What?" Touko attempted a soft smile and began to sway from side to side as she shifted uneasily on her feet. Her carefree display of her emotions annoyed him and yet he wished he was able to be as open and free as her.

"I wanted to visit. Can I visit?" N simply nodded. Shock bloomed on his face when she rushed toward him, a big grin on her face. Her arms extended as she came closer but just as she reached him, she froze and let her arms fall back to her side. Embarrassment brightened her face red and N gave her a quizzical expression.

"What…were you going to do?" Touko blinked.

"I was going to give you a hug." N's head tilted to the side in an avian gesture of confusion.

"A hug?"

"Yes." She could tell that N didn't understand and found it odd, but she didn't question why. "I wrap my arms around you and squeeze a little and you do the same thing to me. It's something that friends do. Mama says its so you can share your feelings without having to say anything."

"Why would you do that? If you just tell me how you feel then I don't have to guess." Touko frowned at his blunt reply.

"Maybe I should just hug you. You'd understand then." N stared at her with a challenging glare. He wasn't sure if he liked the idea of being caged in someone's arms, trapped against their form with no real escape. She stared back at him as though weighing the pros and cons concerning a hug and she took one more tentative step toward him before lightly wrapping his arms around him and pressing him against her.

She was warm…or was the gentle heat those feelings she was talking about? He could feel some kind of calm protection weaving through her friendly warmth surrounding him. She was happy and she wanted him to be happy. He winced for the briefest moment. He didn't deserve the kind of feelings she was trying to give to him and when she finally broke contact, he resisted the urge to tell her to go away.

"See?" N nodded just before Touko froze and turned her head to peek at the time on the clock. She then rose her finger to count out the minutes and after coming up with the answer, all the happiness vanished from her face.

"I promised Mama I wouldn't take forever." Touko looked torn and N's suddenly possessive expression didn't make things any easier. In the end, she scooted toward the door, hesitating as she looked at N.

"I'll come back." N nodded, blinking at her with his usual unreadable expression.

"You can hug me again…when you come back." Touko grinned and decided that it would be okay and scurried to Touya's room.

"_You are letting her fill you with false hope my boy." _N growled and tried to grasp at the fading feelings Touko had left with him, to cling onto something he was beginning to feel he needed.

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><p><strong>AN** _Heh heh, it only too about a year to update this XD I loved writing Touya for some reason...more than I probably should have. Other than that, Enjoy!_


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